Nov 29, 2010

Woman wearing a jacket

Nov 25, 2010

A not very interesting guy

Nov 22, 2010

Nov 15, 2010

Nov 13, 2010

Nov 7, 2010

off topic: Hockey and Fried Chicken Fingers

Three long weeks passed before I saw Flutter again. Of course this bothered me, as well as our sporadic and infrequent contact. I was annoyed with her, but when she emailed and invited me to the Rangers vs. Chicago game at Madison Square Garden, all was forgotten and I came running like a puppy.

She met me on Monday after work. I watched her arrival through the glass doors, strolling right out of an episode of LA Law. She was a bit tense from work. I carried her laptop for her. When Flutter handed the tickets to the attendant at the turnstile, he joked at me boisterously. "How do you do it? I keep wanting a beautiful woman to take me to a Rangers game but it never happens!"

The game was great even though I have no interest in hockey. We sat in the stands and chatted and kissed and held hands. We speculated on what our impressions of each other might have been had we met in college. We talked about relationships. She told me that I'm a very warm person. At the intermission, we went to the concession stand and ordered fried chicken fingers and fries. Back in the stands we discussed her friend who is in an unhappy relationship and only sees her boyfriend once or twice a month. I agreed that it wasn't often enough and is too distant. I'm not sure if she saw my subtext.

At the end of the evening, I saw her off at her train. Lots of kissing on the platform while waiting. "I hope I see you soon" I said and she nodded enthusiastically.


I haven't heard from her since Tuesday and I am still skeptical and very cautious. As much as I want it, I have this intuitive feeling we aren't going to end up together. For some reason I can't picture us together in a normal relationship.

Nov 6, 2010

Nov 5, 2010

off topic: More on Flutter

Flutter came back into the picture via the site. On a Saturday evening in early October I checked my computer generated matches and one of them was a very cute doe eyed attorney. I immediately consulted Snafugirl and asked if I should email Flutter now that she is single. Snafugirl's answer was an emphatic "NO" and so I resolved to be strong.

The next day Flutter clicked to indicate interest in my profile and sent me icebreaker questions. It was odd contacting one another like strangers on a dating site since we already had a bit of history. My resolve crumbled and I sent a direct email the next day. Snafugirl had suggested making her wait 2 days ("Make the chick work for it a bit") but I couldn't wait that long. Flutter and I made plans and met the following week for dinner.

At dinner she was very polite and business-like but eventually we were able to talk openly about where things were at with us and about my concerns. I told her how I was cautious and that I had been upset by how things ended. I had a lot of questions which she answered candidly and openly. She told me about the relationship with the man that she had chosen over me. It turns out that she and the other man had been going through a similar emotional journey since they had both lost a parent recently (with Flutter it happened last year). It created a strong bond for them early on. She later discovered he had complicated issues which led to their mid-summer breakup.

I am still cautious, and there is an odd layer of unreality to our little story. However, I clearly remember what she told me– that she knew how strong my feelings for her were and she did not take that lightly. That if she'd known what she later found out about the other man, she would have picked me instead.

We said goodbye in the rain.

Nov 3, 2010

Two people at the cafe

Nov 1, 2010

off topic: The Return of Flutter

Back in the spring I wrote about Flutter, an almost love story that skidded off course and went over a cliff:

Boy meets girl
Boy has great 1st date with girl and begins falling for her
Boy has even better 2nd date with girl and continues falling for her
Boy has great 3rd date and things feel like they are really going well
Things inexplicably end with girl
Aftermath and crap summer

Recently there was an unexpected plot twist. I found myself standing on Sixth Avenue during a thunderstorm, kissing Flutter. She held her jacket above her head with both hands and looked at me with her doe eyes as she leaned in to me.

I am not sure if it's a jinx to write about it before things are more certain, but it's nice to be seeing her again.

More on this later. It involves hockey and fried chicken fingers.